The tabloids have done it again. Once more they have ventured into their la-la land, declaring that Kate Middleton is very close to becoming a member of the British royal family. How do the tabloids know this joyous news? Well, they have a picture of Kate holding a walkie talkie. Yes, a walkie talkie. Great news for all! Let’s tell the world that Kate has a walkie talkie. Most modern princesses have one, at least the ones that matter do.
Kate Middleton, we are told, has been given one of the most up to date digital walkie talkies on the market. The same devices that are about to come into widespread use within the Metropolitan Police Service in the UK. Of course, we are simple minded people, most of us would think being at a polo venue that’s about the size of 10 football fields would mean that a walkie talkie would perhaps come in handy. But it means more than that apparently.
The tabloids join the dots together and lead us to the conclusion that Kate has a walkie talkie and is therefore receiving police protection and ultimately this means she is to become a princess. Wonderful news, let’s book the abbey now before the girl sees sense and runs whilst she still has her life (and sanity) intact.
Kate was pictured on the weekend whilst she was watching her beloved Prince play polo and holding, yes you guessed it, her ticket to a royal marriage. Kate was there with her sister Pippa and many others who paid the exorbitant £1,000 to sit in the summers heat and watch grown men hit a ball whilst riding really, really fast on horses. The charity event went to a good cause, Prince Charles’s own Prince’s Trust.
All went well on the day. Prince William’s team won, the Prince’s Trust gained £150,000 more for its coffers and we all learnt how one woman with a walkie talkie equals royal marriage. No wonder the girl carries a duffle bag sized handbag with her everywhere she goes. Walkie talkies are a real drag, especially when one has to be a fashion icon.
I’m not up on all this walkie talkie stuff but I would think that a mobile phone can do the same thing. In fact, mobile phones are much better as fashion accessories as well. And when the likes of Giorgio Armani want to clothe you (as he said he does with Kate), then it would be a better choice, fashion wise. Then again, everyone has a phone nowadays, its walkie talkies that are our ticket to gaining a royal marriage. The walkie talkie links Kate directly with the police, the tabs say. Have they ever heard of 199? (Insert here whatever your emergency service number is).
The significance of this new development in the lives of one of the worlds most watched couples, can’t be underestimated though. Here we have two perfectly modern people who are quite clearly together and enjoying each others company. Most other couples are left to their own devices (and by devices I do not mean walkie talkies) and are allowed to get on with their relationships in private. Not Prince William and Kate Middleton.
We, the tabloid story hungry public, must endure the endless speculation of what Kate wears equaling how much closer she is to being Princess William (or whatever she’ll be called). We have to read about whom Kate kisses on the cheek equaling that she is “so in” with the royal family. We suffer the endless tales of how Kate walks down a city street equaling how refreshingly normal she is. I pity her. For normal she is not.
From the very first moment she decided to allow herself fall for William, Kate changed her life forever. She will never have the freedom to walk down a street, hair in tangles, looking like she rolled out of bed. She will always have to look a certain way and she will always have to act a certain way. Even if the tabloids recent declarations of an impending royal engagement are proven untrue, Kate’s life has been changed irrevocably.
Now let’s get back to the walkie talkie. How can Kate protect herself with it? I’m not sure, but I recommend walloping the nearest paparazzo. Actually, don’t do that Kate. It didn’t work for Harry.
Click here to discuss this story about Kate Middleton & Prince William on the Royal Forum.